she was so not down for the gang bang
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
