I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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