So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
