Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
