Whod you bang
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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