dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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