I can tuck mytits in my pants
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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