Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
