I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
