Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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