Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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