You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
