We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
