I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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