I heard we made out
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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