You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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