All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
