that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
