If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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