i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
All I want is dick and wine.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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