remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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