its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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