im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
