You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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