The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
