Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My vagina just clenched in fear
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
