we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
