Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
