we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
