I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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