Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
