after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
