And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think my vagina is haunted
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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