Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
