Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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