I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
