Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize