Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
