It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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