if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
