How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
