the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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