he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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