I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize