She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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