But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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