At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
