Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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