I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My butt remains clenched, sir.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize