sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
