I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
