He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
