marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
