The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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