i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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