do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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