did you get engaged???
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
